To My 11 Year Old Olive

Dear Olive,
    Today you are 11. I can hardly believe it. You are most likely reading this on your tablet or your phone and that still just amazes me. You continue to be your own, unique self. You have remained headstrong and stubborn. And kind and caring. This past year was sweet and sour for us. We went to Disneyland and spent a month visiting your grandparents. I was sick for awhile and it broke my heart to see you so worried. In the midst of that we got a call that you got into the Arts Academy and it tore your heart right in half trying to decide. You are pragmatic and you like routine and ritual. That is not my way and I really pushed you to try something new and exciting. It was a huge lesson to me. I struggled watching you struggle.I know now to trust your choices and instincts. I am happy you are back at your old Elementary school and with your friends.

You have inherited my love of everything. Animals, art supplies, tsums tsums, chapsticks and anything small and cute. I am in love with your new bunny Cinnabun. And I am glad that you are too. It is always fun to see what your next big thing is.

You are a lucky girl to have so many dote on you. Your grandparents adore you. Your father is your #1 fan. After we went to Disneyland you decided you need to live in Anaheim. Your Dad actually looks at Macy's openings there now as a result! There is nothing he wouldn't do to make you happy.This summer we got stuck in Washington and I felt so bad that you missed your Girl Scout camp. I was so proud of you, I knew it was disappointing to miss out but you never made me feel bad and made the best of it. Your Grandpa Fish took you out to a special dinner to try to make the best of it. I was so happy for you.

You are such a great sister. You and Hans are like oil and water, but when you get along it is a wonder to behold. As you get older. I see so many similarities in you and Oscar and it is fun to watch. You two have the same sense of humor and I love it when you make Oscar laugh. I don't know where to start with you and Siobhan. I could not be more proud of your friendship. She is so good to you and vice versa. Not many 20 year old girls would share their bed with their little sister willingly. I hope you cherish the nights you spend watching silly videos and talking. Having a sister so devoted is a rare treasure and I am so happy you were blessed with that and pray that your bond never wavers.

I LOVE how passionate you are about the things you love. Mermaids? Definitely at the top of the list. I think the thing I love most about that is that you are so practical and realistic and you love the most fantastic, wild things. You are a great artist and a great reader. You are a wonderful friend and beautiful soul. I cannot begin to tell you much I love you Olive. You are my baby and you are a joy. I hope this year will meet all your expectations. I love you, xoxoxoxo Mama

2016

Hey there. It's been awhile. You may be surprised to learn that over the last few years my kids have grown old enough to find this blog and read it. They have become super into it and begged me to write some more(about them). So for Christmas I promised that I would dedicate myself to chronicling our lives this year. Lots has happened in these few past years as you can imagine so I will just hit a few bullet points.
*Siobhan graduated.
*Pete is now a store manager for the Orem, Utah store.
*We still in Utah but at least not Orem, Utah
*Siobhan left Macy's and is now a surgical orderly at IMC. She also completed EMT training.
*I am working for The INN Between, a homeless hospice as their program manager.
*It is full time.
*I am tired a lot.
*Oscar is a senior.
*Hans is in Junior High.
*Hans acts like he's in Junior High.
*Olive briefly home schooled.
*I was tired a lot.
*Olive has about an inch to go to be as tall as Siobhan.
*My mom can text.
It's been awhile and I need to learn my way back around here. I'll leave it at this and a few pictures. I am making a goal of three times a week. I am saying that more for myself than anyone. I hope you enjoy reading this kids!

P Diddy

That was not an intentional lapse! My laptop plug fell apart and we had to order a new one! So, finally, back to blogging! I felt that I should dedicate a post to Pete and I as well. I often update the kids goings on, but not often ours. Or his anyway. So, here we go with my Pete update. I think he has had a pretty great year, so far.

I can hardly believe that next month we will have been married 10 years. I am still crazy about him and so grateful that he seems somewhat interested in me as well. He is a wonderful husband. He cooks us great dinners at least once a week. He helps with homework. He encourages me in any endeavor. He (sometimes) will listen to me rant for hours at whatever situation is currently driving me crazy.  He does sweet things like booking a re-wedding at Chapel of the Bells because he wants to get married again. Or maybe he just wants to go to Las Vegas. He insists that we take a trip, just the two of us, once a year. This year is Puerto Rico, after our wedding, like a real honeymoon.

Macy's kind of rules us sometimes but it also provides us with an amazing life. This year was crazy, with the grand opening of City Creek Center. Lot's of time and work for Pete but it may be one of the most beautiful malls ever. Unfortunately there is also a great deal of travel involved. I think I have come to handle this pretty well and we are now pretty comfortable with the whole routine overall. This will year will mark 18 years at the same company for Pete and with that comes an awesome 6 weeks of vacation plus some comp days. I am so blessed that he is a traveler like me and we fill up as much time as we can on the road. In exchange for our week alone Pete is willing to give us an annual Disneyland trip and I am super excited to go at Halloween this year. A first for me!

Pete continues to be a great dad. He is obviously coo-coo crazy over his Olive Jane and she is pretty great at talking him into things, like, a walk to the Mexican market around the corner, another episode of Petes dreaded Nickelodeon pre teen show, or a trip to Las Vegas or Wendover, both of which are happening this month. She recently negotiated the retirement of a Pete disliked leotard for a brand new one from the dance store that cost half a weeks groceries. FYI, she does not actually take dance. He is so encouraging of Hans' many pursuits and loves to introduce Hans to new music. He has taught him some guitar, a little banjo and Hans is pretty excited to get going with his new thumb piano. He is 100% accepting of each of ours kids and loves them unconditionally. He has been a great source of help to the older kids and as they get older he is a great sounding board for them. He helps them to see the big picture and encourages them to make good choices. He is able to sit in the front seat while Siobhan drives, saving me from a panic attack, even though she is a really great driver. I think he is a great example to all of them.

This year brought a few challenges to my thought and feelings on our relationship. Outside sources can sometimes have a way of weaseling in causing you to think about your priorities. In this case, it made me realize how much I absolutely love being with him. He is fun, really fun and loving. He loves me, faults and all. I just cannot imagine a day without him. He came to me at a time in my life that I wasn't sure what I would do to get to the next day. He has built a life for us that has enabled me to devote my days to our kids and our home. He takes us to new places and gives us new experiences. He takes care of us and never ever makes us feel as if it is a chore or a burden. He makes me feel special. I just love him and thank him for all that we have together.

Freckles

So, my Olive Jane is now 7 years old. I am still continually amazed that she is no longer a baby. She is still the boss though.

She is in first grade this year and has really excelled. Like her brother Hans, she is reading several grade levels above hers and just has a general love of reading. Unlike Hans, she loves everything else about school. The order, the instructions and above all else, the rules. Several times her teacher has told me, "Olive could run this class on her own!" She adores her teacher and wants nothing more than to please her. She loves her friends and the one rule that she does break is the touching rule. She and her girlfriends love to hug each other. She is crazy about math and at least once a day begs me to write her a page of equations which she immediately does and asks to be graded. I hope that she will continue to enjoy math as it gets harder.

Her next great love would be food,  as is her Mamas. She is such an adventurous eater. She will try anything once and there is only a handful of things she dislikes. I know I have told this story to probably everyone that reads this, but I really want a written document of it. So, at the beginning of the year Olive was taking lunch because she was too nervous to learn the process of buying lunch at school. Hans is crazy for school lunch and we talked about it at length when I was working at the cafeteria. When Thanksgiving feast was approaching and our food deliveries came in I told him about all the great things they were having. Olive was in tears. She was so scared to try but wanted that feast, badly. Hans set up a replica of the lunch line at home and walked her through, over and over until she was confident she could do it at school. And she did! And loved it! It's old hat now, and we regularly discuss the days lunch. She will also happily recall her favorite meals. I love that.

Olive has really begun to get goofy as well. She works herself into a frenzy with her jokes and faces. She is not shy at home. At all. Her brothers have really rubbed off on her. She loves to take videos and spends most of it just making faces and different voices. She has an infectious giggle and once she starts will not soon stop. She sings, with great passion, if no one is watching. Do not be fooled though! She can turn on a dime and if you say something or do something not nice she will haul it to get in the house first to report. I have snuck peeks at her memo pad. It is amazing. If you have wronged her, she has documented it at some point. In her defense, she will also record kind acts.

Thank goodness she has Siobhan. She is lucky that her sister just adores her. In the last few months she has started sleeping in her bed and she loves nothing more than just laying quietly and witnessing all the teenage routines. Hair, makeup, texting, Olive loves it all. She also has all of her girl cousins that we sadly don't see enough of. There is no way you would mistake these girls as Lindgrens....

Luckily, she still has some Sheppard girl in her also. Something her Dad loves to bring up when she is especially moody. Olive really has turned out to be a sweet girl. She is a loyal friend, ready to help wherever she can and always happy to sit in my lap and hug me. I just love her so much.

JP3 -2012

Well, it was a little bit of a break there. Two words, prom preparation. More on that another day. Today is all about Hans. Hans is now 9 years old. He breezes through school, loves to read but loves to play more. I forgot how awesome nine years old is, you re just starting to figure out what you really like and don't like. On the top of Hans' likes list is Michael Jackson and Eddie Murphy. Pete watched both Golden Child and Coming to America with Hans recently. On network TV, by the way, so they are a tad cleaner. This has led to a new love for not only Eddie Murphy, but also Aresenio Hall. This scroll at the zoo was a perfect place to work on some of his impressions. As much as he enjoys those movies, his true fascination is with Michael Jackson. Ask him a Jackson fact, he can give you details. He reads up, watches documentaries, plays the video game and studies every move of every music video. The hat in this picture? Pete bought it for him at Macy's in the clearance, knowing how Hans loves hats. Pete though maybe Indiana Jones. Hans thinks Smooth Criminal, in black. He wears a glove. Guys, A GLOVE. This past weekend he asked if I could sew sequins on it.
And here's the thing, I will sew sequins on it. I relish Hans enthusiasm for his interests. Some are fleeting, but intense, and some linger around. I get that, it's kind of how I roll as well. I will always encourage him to be who he is and enjoy what he wants. I have heard a few comments here and there, concerning Hans love of dancing, his outfits, his awesome jewelry. Other kids can be especially cruel. This is where Hans makes me so proud, he doesn't care. I hope that he never, ever, ever loses that quality. Don't get me wrong though, Hans has tons of friends. Most people love being around him. He is the life of the party and a complete show off, as always. His best friend and biggest supporter is moving aways this week. It is so sad to see Hans so heartbroken over it.

He has also remained as sweet as ever. I took this picture below when we were on a Hans/Mom date. Unfortunately when he went to the restroom he couldn't get the door open and in a panic started screaming. I was afraid there was some creeper in there so I came crashing in. Just a heavy door, but now he will not eat at that restaurant. He also won't ride in elevators, as a rule. He needs to be tucked into bed every night. This makes me particularly happy, because I see Hans getting older and needing me less and I just cannot hardly stand it. Something about Hans has always made me feel extra protective over him, maybe because he is so impossibly skinny. He no longer wants to kiss me good bye at school but at home he still sits on my lap and cuddles with me.

Let's see, what else? He begged Santa for a banjo and has been working on that. Bela Fleck is a favorite and after watching Throw Down Your Heart several times also found a thumb piano he was hoping for. He draws a lot. Especially at school. He and his friends write loads of stories that they take turns illustrating. Most all characters have ridiculous abdominal muscles. He watched Becoming Elmo and the next day began making his own puppets. My favorite thing that came from that movie was that I learned Hans believes that Kermit and the other Muppets are real. He understands that there are puppets based on them but was sad that the real, walking, talking Kermit wasn't in the movie. It took me a minute to decide if I should set him straight, but I ultimately decided, who am I to kill that sweet belief? He'll learn in time, probably from a kid with decidedly less imagination.

I love this picture of Hans from this past weekend. In case you were curious, those are baseball socks under his jeans. They got to his thighs and he loves them. He has also vowed to not cut his hair until he turns 16. He wants a pony tail, especially after seeing his dad and my dad in pictures with one. I would love to cut it but it's his choice. I love watching these kids come into themselves. I choose not to impede their growth, but to enjoy watching it. They are their own people and while it is my job to set limits for their safety and well being, I don't believe it is up to me to make them do things my way because it's what I want. I guess this is kind of a deep subject for this blog post but I do feel sometimes like I am judged when it comes to what I allow my kids to do. Oh well, sometimes when we sit down and I can impart wisdom , like "Did you know Latoya was in the Say,Say,Say video?" and he lights up and thinks I am cool, I am so grateful that the doggone kid is mine.

Gipper and he knows it.

So, .....Oscar. This has been an odd year for us. Fourteen is a rough age to navigate. Not a boy, not a teenager. Sometimes it feels like he has become an entirely different person! Remember this or this? How about this? Not anymore! We were at my moms in January and all of a sudden he and Elijah had common interests. Oscar knows every rapper, graffiti artist, and hip new slang word. Everything is now either swaggy or not swaggy. The boy that didn't wear jeans until he was 12 because denim felt to "straight" on his skin now swoons over clothes at Macy's. He wears sunglasses. Everywhere. This gold chain? Not just a gag joke from Siobhan. He just flat out turned into a cool kid.

He went from being a boy that was so completely awkward around girls, to being completely at ease. Disneyland last summer was amazing with him. He actually requested pictures of him alone with princesses! I should also mention that he has had a girlfriend for the past year.

Unfortunately, Oscar got a little swept up in his new "bad boy" image and was hanging with some kids that were a little bit of trouble. Oscar has always been so sweet and shy and quiet that I have always had 100% confidence that he was not capable of getting into trouble. Unfortunately last month I found out that I was wrong. His grades had plummeted and he got in some trouble with the law. He stole a couple of soft drinks from a supermarket with his crowd and they were all detained. Everybody I talked to said, " Lot's of kids do this, it's not the end of the world." Well, it's not, but it made me incredibly sad AND required court dates. They do not mess around, kids or not. Thankfully we can now put that behind us. He was truly remorseful and devastated that he had dissapointed us. I feel he has truly learned his lesson.

That little episode led me to decide to home school him and get him away from any bad influences. So far, it has gone pretty damn great. He is a 100% different kid. We have had so much fun together. Here is my theory: I feel like Oscar and I lost a pretty important chunk of time in his life, when he was with his Dad. This is making up for that. We have all day together, half of it alone. If he does not learn one single thing (which is unlikely) this time will be worth it. I am confident he feels the same. He hugs me! Without prompting! Next year he will start high school, in our district, which he was not in for junior high. It will be a fresh start for him. I think he will do great.

He has become super engrossed in his artwork, as of late. He LOVES lettering, stencils and spray paints. He is a huge fan of Banksy, D*Face and Space Invader. He studies every book he can find at the library on street art. We recently pulled some walls down in our halls and have been letting him spray paint them with his stencils and whatnot. I recently bought myself a pair of white Vans and can't wait to see what he paints on them.

There you have it. Oscar, so far. I sometimes feel like the Evil Queen. But I think this is my job at this age. For the most part I think he appreciates that I am the bad guy to blame and he doesn't have to be the one to bow out of situations with friends. I like to think of us like this picture sometimes. We may butt heads, but we still smile at each other. I just love him.

Siobhan 2012

These are the oldest and youngest girls in the Sheppard girls families. I had just been feeling like we needed an Esme picture here. My Siobhan is now 16 years old. Now that we are past the vacation I felt like I should take a day a kid and catch you up on them. We'll start with the oldest.
Siobhan is now a Junior at her performing arts school. She is an extremely talented dancer. She taps, does ballet and modern. I am really looking forward to her performance next month, last years brought me to tears and I have almost worn out our DVD's from it. I am happy that she has found something that brings her such great joy. I am equally happy that she is so smart about her future in it. She knows the reality of living the life of a performer and has a good head on her shoulders. She is not totally sure what she will do after high school but has some pretty good ideas, so far.

Siobhan started her first job recently. If you know me on Facebook, you will be well aware of my obsession with the new Harmons grocery store downtown. Well, my lovely girl is a bagger there. She started out loving it and like most jobs, now is not as excited to go to work. It is hard to leave your friends and go be a grown up. I am proud of her though and I hope that when she has her own car insurance and is out driving she will be proud of herself. Oh wait! Did you know she was driving?? This has been a great development in our family. Siobhan can drive. I can have a glass of wine. She is our own personal designated driver (we have actually availed ourselves of this service only twice). As often as I told myself I would be the cool, easygoing passenger, I instead am a nervous wreck, so usually Pete sits up front. She is an excellent, catious driver.

Siobhan and Pete have settled into friends. It makes me happy to see them talk so easy and I love that she listens to his advice. He is very helpful with advice for her when she is on her own. I on the other hand wish her to never ever leave. I find myself counting down my time left and am heartbroken at the prospect. I cannot imagine a trip or outing without my Siobhan. Or a day, for that matter. At the same time, I am excited for her future and am confident in her that she will make good choices.

But for now she is still my little baby vonnie. She is an amazing sister. She lets Olive sleep with her and does her hair . Olive loves to be with her and just sit and listen to the big girl talk and watch her put on makeup. Siobhan and Hans are so alike, which leads to mostly butting heads, but also lot's of laughter from the two of them. They are both completely goofy. Of course she and Oscar are as close as always, though I notice that Oscar isn't having the bossiness quite as easily lately. Still, they are confidantes and I am grateful that they have each other. She is truly a good person. Adorable too. So, that's my Siobhan. She is just as sweet as ever and doing great!

Easter 2012

Happy Easter everyone! I hope you all had as much fun as we did. I will admit, it was a little bit of a rush job getting everything together for today, having just gotten home last night. Luckily, it all came together. The kids were happy with their Easter baskets, didn't complain at all about the lack of egg dyeing, and were excited to go to Grandma and Grandpas and be with their cousins. Even Todd got in on the action.

It was a beautiful day today. We worked in our backyard and are getting ready to do some planting soon. The kids were out all day playing and are just dog tired tonight. So are the adults.
We had a great time up at Grandmas house. We had a great dinner and enjoyed being with everyone. I got to hold our new nephews. Tate and the twins, Shawn and Noah. They are all just darling and I cannot for the life of me figure out why I didn't get pictures of them! The kids had their egg hunt and ate tons more candy.

Here's just a portion of the kids with Grandma and Grandpa. I really love seeing them all together and being a part of their lives, small as it is sometimes. I love seeing Johannes Sr. and Johannes 3 together. Those two are cut from the same cloth for sure. By the way, the necklace is now a part of Hans' everyday look, along with a black glove he cut the fingers off of. Just one glove, ala Michael Jackson. I wouldn't question it unless you wanna be startin' something.

We came home and had some Capirotada and wine with our neighbors and it was a perfect ending to a perfect spring break. Tomorrow is back to school/work so I think I will wrap this up for tonight. I hope that everyone had a great Easter ! And, thank you to all that have been so encouraging about my return to the blog!

Vacation: Phase 1 Complete

Home again, home again jiggety jog. We made it home safe and sound this afternoon. What a great trip we had. I am grateful for 9 days of togetherness with relatively little fighting. I think this trip was a unanimous success. I was happy to overhear Oscar talking with his Dad and saying how much fun he had. I do want to add that the first 15 minutes of his conversation were spent talking about Todd.
This was an unfortunate placement of props on Alien Zones part. Luckily my boys were to busy chanting filthy bandito to notice.

I didn't really have a whole lot of energy to download new pictures tonight. Upon return I had to head back out for food and Easter goodies. So, instead I am just sharing some more photos from Roswell. This is fitting as we have watched some more documentaries on the subject tonight. Pete says next stop for us is the Bermuda Triangle.

Pete is glad to be back at home to sleep in our own bed. Also to eat home cooked meals and get back to his running routine.

Olive is excited for Easter and is looking forward to seeing her friends at school.

Siobhan is looking forward to prom this Saturday. This means that I only have 6 days to make her dress. No pressure.

The rest of us are just plain happy. I am looking forward to seeing all of our Lindgren family tomorrow. I am super happy to hopefully get some good sleep. I love this time of year. Weather is getting good, school will be winding down. We have so many more vacations planned to look forward to! I am so glad that I am back in a blogging groove. I'll be back tomorrow with Easter pictures!

Mesa Verde

Last real day of vacation. Boohoo! We spent the day at Meas Verde, as previously mentioned. The real "season" begins on the 8th so we weren't sure that we were going to have a whole lot to see. We planned on a half a day but that plan was scrapped pretty quickly! This place is simply amazing. We were hoping to see some bears, but alas, no dice. The kids did find some snake skin which was pretty exciting. Hans was especially happy because his junior ranger booklet had a checklist and lizard was on it and just could not be found. He felt this was a fair substitute. My kids are amassing quite a collection of junior ranger badges. I really hope that one of them looks into being an actual National Park Service ranger someday.

So, back to the actual dwellings. Again, I am at a loss for words. It was so overwhelming, the amount of ruins in this park. The fact that they are still standing is amazing. There are nearly 5000 archaeological sites being protected here. To walk through and among them is a little surreal.

We were allowed to climb underground into a Kiva. It is something else, trying to imagine what it would be like to live here, in those times. Hans was particularly impressed with these spaces.

Once again, I have taken at least a hundred pictures, trying to choose which to share was difficult. I may have to upload them all into an album and link it here eventually. Really, pictures just cannot do it justice. To walk in the same places that these ancestral pueblans have walked on was a powerful thing. The cliff dwellings so high up in the canyons had Pete and I both wondering how many children were lost. It was insane how high up they were!

This is the Sleeping Ute mountain. Can you see him?

Weather here is so unpredictable. We alternately had our jackets on and off. This picture I love because it reminds me of European Vacation, when Clark wants everyone to wear berets in Paris. When in the Southwest. This has been a really great vacation. we have seen so many things. I am always enamored by the National Parks. The things I learn and see stay with me. No doubt I will spend the next week imagining what it would be like to live in those ruins. But first, we have to drive home. Lame. Luckily we will be spending Easter at Grandma Double R's which will help us get over our vacations over blues. I am in charge of funeral potatoes. Pete wants to know how the non Mormon in the family got assigned funeral potatoes?!! I am confident I can handle it. But just for good measure I will probably make Capirotada as well.

P.S. ONE WHOLE WEEK OF BLOGGING! I AM HOOKED! AGAIN!